Bella Read online

  BELLA

  by

  D.J. Barrett

  Edited by J. C. Reeve and J. E. Kenton

  ISBN: 978-1-291-16494-7

  KINDLE version

  Copyright © 2012 D.J. Barrett

  All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof in any form. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored, in any form or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical without the express written permission of the author.

  This is a work of fiction. Names and characters are the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  I started writing Bella four years ago and have finally finished it. I am now working on the sequel which will be available next spring.

  I love writing and hope to write a lot more books in the future.

  I would like to thank my family and friends for helping me make my first book special.

  Thank you mum for giving me your tremendous support and encouragement over the years without whom, this book may not have been possible.

  Last but not least a special thanks to my sister and niece for editing this book for me.

  The author

  PROLOGUE

  I never thought I would end up in a psychiatric hospital.

  All I can hear are screams. They are my own screams. I have just given birth to my fourth child.

  How have I ended up here? Doctors told me that I have had a breakdown. Why?

  Have you ever wanted something or someone so bad that the longing causes so much heartache and pain?

  Outside the wind is howling and banging the shutters against the cladding.

  Now I do not feel I have the strength to carry on but I know I have to for the sake of my children.

  Introduction

  I‘m looking out the window in my room onto a huge garden, covered in snow. Below is a small courtyard with a couple of benches and a fountain in the middle. The once flowing water has frozen into small stalactites, glowing like diamonds when lights strike them and make me think very much of Christmas lights. This reminds me how my memories keep coming back to haunt me.

  My room’s rather plain and simple, just one picture hung on the wall, a crucifix above the bed, a small table with a vase of orchids on it next to the wall, and a rather tatty looking armchair in which I am now sitting.The window is slightly open and there is a cool breeze blowing gently through my hair. Although the weather is wintry, the sky’s clear blue and the sun is shining.

  Most of the time I just sit here and think about my life and what brought me here.

  Where am I?

  I’m in a mental health institution; after recently having a nervous breakdown.

  My name is Bella Ferrari; my maiden name is Green and

  I would like to share my story with you.

  I entered this world on 24 December 1975. My mother told me the weather had been extremely cold that winter and it had snowed continuously for about a week. She told me they called me Bella because she gave birth to me on Christmas Eve. They’d just finished putting up the Christmas tree when she went into labour and collapsed onto the floor with a bell in her hand.

  I was the timid one; and the youngest of us all.

  As a girl I was very plain; skinny and petite with long, wavy blonde hair, which I used to pull back into a ponytail, and blue eyes.

  My sister Lizzie was very different to me. She was quite tall and slim with a lovely curvy figure, beautifully shaped legs, an oval face with a small button nose, a sprinkling of freckles, skin as soft as peaches, and eyes that sparkled like emeralds when she was excited. Her auburn hair was long and straight which she usually wore in pigtails when she went to school. She was an extremely popular girl, especially with the boys, although she was often rather bossy; however, when she spoke her voice was as soft as velvet.

  My brother Simon was very intelligent, creative, always had an explanation for everything, and never let life get him down. He was quite tall for his age and extremely handsome; he had short wavy auburn hair and hazel eyes. His best attribute was his character. He was a very loving, kind and patient boy who always helped me do my homework.

  Simon and Lizzie looked very much alike, but I didn`t resemble either of them.

  Father's name was Ted Green. He was of a medium build, with curly brown hair that always looked scruffy, sported a rather thick looking moustache and a bushy beard. His eyes were dark and thoughtful and he always wore his glasses perched on the end of his nose.

  Mother's name was Sarah. She was short, slim, very pretty with long, wavy blonde hair and very pale skin, whom I resembled the most.

  CHAPTER ONE

  Sitting in my bedroom on my favourite window seat, watching the children play outside. I could see a little girl in her garden playing with her dolls whilst her brother and sister were playing hide and seek with the other children.

  Mum told me I’d never been one for playing out. I’d much rather read or draw.

  The smell of roast beef was making my mouth water, as the lingering aroma wafted up the stairs and I realised that I was starving. On the way out of my room, I caught my reflection in the mirror; I stood there for a few moments looking at myself. My figure was slowly starting to take shape and my small breasts were starting to grow.

  My hair was my biggest pride and joy, very long and wavy, which I mostly tied back into a ponytail, however, this day for some reason I decided to wear it down. Mother said jokingly one day that I was the ugly duckling who would someday grow into a beautiful swan.

  Running downstairs, I saw father sitting in his office. I watched him through the doorway, he looked at me through squinted eyes, with his glasses perched on the end of his nose, frowned and grunted;

  “Not now Bella, I`m really busy.”

  “You’re always too busy for us.” I shouted and banged the door as I shut it.

  It was his usual response whenever we wanted to talk to him. Father was a lawyer and never home very much, however, when he was, he was always too busy in his office and never had much time for us children.

  I laid the table ready for dinner and helped mum dish it up.

  Mother’s role was to look after the family home; because dad liked the house clean and tidy, and his shirts neatly ironed. He always had a firm hand, and mother usually had to back him up even if she sometimes disagreed.

  I heard the door go; and Lizzie came running in all excited. She looked at mother and asked.

  “Can Ben take me to a dance?”

  “Yes Lizzie, as long as you’re back at a sensible hour.” Mother replied.

  “Yippee, I’m going to a dance………”

  Lizzie had been friends with Ben for quite some time and never stopped talking about him. He was a year older than her, with dark hair and brown eyes, his big smile showed a set of perfect white teeth.

  As we sat round our wooden table for dinner that evening, a feeble light came from the fire that father had built in the grate and strange shadows cast on the bare walls.

  I noticed how quiet my father was, normally we chatted at the dinner table. It was actually the only time we could speak to him; however, that night you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. Simon interrupted the silence

  “Have you done your homework Bella?”

  “Yes, of course!” I answered.

  He always pushed me to do my homework, telling me if I wanted to get somewhere in life I had to work hard at school.

  I was very glad to leave the table, the awkward silence between my parents made me feel extremely uncomfortable. I helped mum clear the tabl
e and wash the dishes. She was oddly quiet, but I didn’t ask why. Father came into the kitchen and put his hand on mother`s shoulder lovingly and kissed the top of her head.

  I left the kitchen. And as I headed upstairs I heard raised voices which stopped me in my tracks. I tiptoed to the kitchen door, it was slightly ajar. I could see mother crying and I heard father telling her everything would be all right. What’ll be alright? I thought to myself. I felt quite worried at that moment. I rushed upstairs and sat on my bed and wondered why mother was crying; was she ill?

  I looked out the window; it was a lovely day, sunny and not a cloud in the sky. The sea was dark blue and gently brushing up against the lighthouse in the distance.

  My thoughts went back to mother and why she was upset. I looked down the street, and noticed a little boy crying; his mother swept him up into her arms and comforted him. Watching made me feel slightly envious as our mother hadn`t given Simon and I the hugs we needed. It was always Lizzie that had got the attention, she was a very demanding child, and that was probably the reason why I was so much closer to Simon. He was the only one who used to comfort me when I was hurt or upset, and even used to sing me to sleep when I was tiny, even though he wasn’t much older himself. I used to follow Simon everywhere; he called me his little shadow.

  Later that evening father shouted for us to go to his office. Slowly walking down stairs, we knew we were about to hear some bad news. He never did that unless there was something wrong. Lizzie as usual, stood there looking bored and didn’t look the slightest bit bothered or interested. Simon looked as worried as I did. Father was sitting in his usual chair; the frown on his face and the lines etched across his forehead made it evident that something was very wrong. Mother was sitting staring out the window, her face was pale and she looked terribly upset. Father coughed a nervous cough as he cleared his throat ready to speak. He stood up, walked over to mum and placed his hand tenderly on her shoulder. Simon looked my way. Father inhaled deeply before he said.

  “Your mother hasn’t been feeling well for quite some time, so we went to see Dr Preston who sent her for an x-ray. We have to wait for the results, but he thinks she may have lung cancer.”

  Mum had her head in her hands and couldn`t bring herself to look at us. This can`t be happening I thought, all I could think about was how life would be without her. Simon butted in.

  “We shouldn’t jump to conclusions until we have the results.”

  Lizzie stood by the door playing with her hair and biting her lower lip; it was the first time I had seen her look so worried.

  I looked at dad and wondered how he would cope if anything were to happen to mother. He put his head in his hands and pushed his fingers through his unkempt hair. Simon looked at Lizzie as we left the room in silence. What else could we do? I had never been good in a situation like this. I never knew what to say.

  I ran back upstairs, tears streaming down my face. Why mother? I threw myself on my bed and sobbed until I had no more tears left.

  A short time later there was a gentle knock at my bedroom door, father walked in. He stood by my window and watched the children playing outside. Still with his back to me, he sighed and said.

  “Sometimes Bella, when you were small and you were outside in the garden, Lizzie and Simon would be running around with all the other children, screaming and shouting, but not you Bella, you would sit in the sand pit deep in thought. You were never aware that I was watching you.” He paused for a few moments before continuing.

  “When you were born, I took you into my arms and looked at your tiny face; you had the biggest blue eyes I`d ever seen and I felt this overwhelming love for you. I love all of you kids the same, but I saw you come into the world which makes me feel closer to you somewhat. Your mum didn’t have time to go to the hospital, everything happened too quickly, so you were born at home. I remember we were putting up the Christmas tree when your mother’s waters broke. I phoned for an ambulance, but it was too late and she needed to push. The paramedics had to tell me what to do over the phone, I was so nervous, and then when I saw your little face for the first time I felt so proud and overwhelmed with joy.” He finished speaking and came over to sit on the bed next to me.

  He’d never told me this story before; I didn’t know he was there for my birth. I knew he wasn’t there for Simon and Lizzie’s birth.

  I could see the pain in his face as he ruffled my hair. I gave him a hug as he cried on my shoulder.

  “If anything happens to your mother, I don’t know how I’ll cope without her, I love her so much. I know I don’t show her the love like I should Bella, but she is my life, along with you kids.”

  I looked at father and smiled.

  “No matter what, we will get through this.” I said with a heavy heart.

  After talking to him I felt a bit better and decided to walk down to the beach, everyone seemed happy, couples walking along the shore holding hands; children making sandcastles and laughter echoing in the lazy afternoon sunshine.

  Today had been hot and clammy; a storm was heading our way, the blue sky had turned black and I could hear a rumble of thunder in the distance. I felt the first drop of rain on my face and thought it was time to head home. We only lived ten minutes away from the beach; in a town called Lighthouse Cove. Running along the cliff, a flash of lightening lit up the sky and illuminated the whole town. The thunder roared like an angry lion. I could feel the cool rain lashing down on me, soaking me through to the skin. It felt cool and welcoming and by the time I reached home I was drenched.

  Father’s Audi was parked in the driveway. I entered the house, mother was in the kitchen baking and she looked really tired. Lizzie was out as usual with Ben, and Simon was in his room playing my favourite piece of music on his guitar. I stood in the doorway listening with tears stinging my eyes. He took one look at me, stopped playing his guitar, walked over to me and took me in his arms.

  “Don`t cry my sweet Bella, everything will be ok, I promise.” He said, gently stroking my hair.

  Every time Simon took me in his arms, I felt safe and protected. He and I were so very close, he knew me so well. We stayed like that for a good five minutes before I went to my room.

  The storm became angry, hailstones started banging loudly on my window, and then suddenly the lightning struck, cutting off the power supply.

  My eyes felt extremely heavy and swollen from all the crying, so I lay on my bed and listened to the storm as I drifted off to sleep.

  I woke up with a jump. I looked out the window; an ambulance was outside; its blue lights were flashing. Then someone knocked frantically on my bedroom door. When I opened it, Simon’s face was ashen. He told me that mother had collapsed. I only had my bra and panties on, I felt a little embarrassed, as he looked me up and down. I quickly got dressed and headed downstairs.

  Father impatiently told us to get into the car, and we followed the ambulance. The hospital was usually a fifteen-minute drive from Lighthouse Cove, but because of the storm it took a bit longer. The hospital was huge; doctors and nurses were rushing around everywhere, and mother was whisked straight off to the I C U.

  We waited for what seemed hours before the doctor came to speak to father, we knew by the expression on his face that the news was very serious.

  The doctor took him to a private room, and we waited anxiously for news. When they finally came back father looked extremely worried and the doctor’s face was full of sympathy. He shook the doctor’s hand, and walked over to us. He looked at us with tears in his eyes, put his hands in his pockets and said.

  “Your mother is dying…….” He sighed. “She does have lung cancer like we thought and it has spread too far, there isn’t anything they can do. If she had seen a doctor a few months back, they might have been able to save her life. Your mother has been coughing blood up for quite some time, but you know how stubborn she can be.” Tears were rolling down his cheeks. I’d never seen him look so miserable.

  The news was too much
for me to take, all I could think was no……. not mother……. please god no!

  I ran outside the hospital, not caring where I was heading. The rain was still coming down heavily, but I didn’t care. I just kept on running until I couldn’t run anymore.

  I sat on the cliff looking out to sea, the lighthouse was flashing brightly in the distance. I must have been the only person out at this late hour in such terrible weather. I felt cold and started shivering; my eyes were heavy with tiredness. I put my coat on the wet grass and lay down, not caring if I got pneumonia or not. I was exhausted; I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

  “Here you are you silly girl. Bella, Bella, wake up!” I opened my eyes and Simon was leaning over me.

  “You shouldn’t have run off like that. I’ve been looking everywhere for you, I was so worried.” He put his coat around my shoulders, swept me up into his arms, and carried me back to the hospital. It felt good being in his arms. I felt safe even if it was only for a short time.

  Lizzie was pretty calm and seemed to have taken the news quite well, but maybe that was just her way of coping.

  Over the next few days, the house was eerily quiet. Mother’s wishes were to be home with her family when she died, so father brought her home and we tried to make her as comfortable as possible.

  The doctor kept her heavily sedated most of the time; otherwise she would have been in too much pain. Father never left her side, not even to eat. Simon and I took over the cleaning and Lizzie took over the cooking. Luckily it was the summer holidays, so we didn’t have school for six weeks. Father had taken some time off work to be with mum.

  Every evening Simon would sit by mother’s side and play `The Deer Hunter` on his guitar, which was her favourite piece of music. Ben took Lizzie to the local youth club to play pool or darts with some friends. She didn’t seem to want to stay home; it was too hard for her.