Bella Read online

  One week later, I could hear whispering as I passed by father’s office. His door was closed, but I could hear him talking on the phone. I put my ear closer to the door and listened closely, trying not to make a sound. I wasn’t sure if I had heard right, but I could have sworn I heard my father say, “I love you too darling.” In a soft tone

  Was my father having an affair? No! of course not. I must have heard wrong. There must be another explanation. I thought to myself.

  The next day mother took a turn for the worst. The doctor told us she would be lucky if she made it to the end of the week.

  We tried to make her as comfortable as possible; she was mostly in and out of consciousness. I sat by her bedside and held her hand; she opened her eyes briefly and looked at me with tears in her eyes.

  “There’s something you should know Bella.” She tried to say in a weak voice. However, when she tried to continue she was too breathless and couldn’t get her words out properly. I called for father. He came rushing in, took one look at her and called the doctor. He told us it could be anytime now.

  Father called our local priest to come and give mother her last rights.

  Two hours later she passed away peacefully in her sleep with her family by her side; she was finally at rest and wasn’t in pain anymore. I couldn’t believe that she wouldn’t be there for me anymore. Father was devastated, I couldn’t accept that I’d thought he might have been cheating on mother and convinced myself that I must have heard wrong.

  The funeral went as well as could be expected, the day was warm and sunny, not a cloud in the sky. We laid her to rest next to my grandparents, who died not long before I was born.

  The house felt very strange without her. I missed hearing her sing in the kitchen while she was cooking, sometimes I’d forget she’d died and would run into the kitchen to tell her something; then realise she had gone and was never coming back.

  Simon didn’t show his face over the next few weeks and shut himself in his room. Lizzie stayed out with friends and I hardly ever saw her. Father was rarely home and buried himself in his work. Life just seemed to pass on by like this.

  One year later, things slowly started to return to normal. I still missed mother very much and would often cry myself to sleep. However, she would have wanted us to remember the happy times and keep smiling.

  Normally, father had always been home at seven for his supper; yet after mother passed away he didn’t arrive home until gone midnight. Then, one night when he did arrive home slightly earlier than usual, he was talking to someone; I could hear a woman’s voice. I put my hands over my ears not wanting to hear anymore.

  The next morning over breakfast, we all sat in silence. I looked at my brother and sister and wondered if they’d also heard father talking to a woman.

  We all left the house at more or less the same time every morning. Our school was twenty minutes away and the bus always waited at the top of our street; father paid for us to go to a private school. We arrived home at five, Lizzie would often go to Ben’s house and Simon would go straight to his room to play his guitar. We were like passing ships in the night and I craved to have my family back.

  Would we ever be happy again?

  CHAPTER TWO

  Three years after mother passed away, things hadn’t really changed very much.

  Father was hardly ever home; the house that was once filled with love and laughter was replaced by silence. It felt empty and I didn’t feel comfortable there anymore. Whenever I could I’d go for a long walk along the cliff top, or on the beach. At least there I could watch people and hear some signs of life. When I was home I’d sit alone in my bedroom reading.

  One afternoon, I caught my reflection in my bedroom mirror and looked at myself; my long blonde hair was thick and wavy; and my body was really starting to take the shape of a woman. Simon was sixteen and a handsome young man. If you put Lizzie, Simon, and I in a line, no one would have guessed we were siblings.

  Two days later, I was sitting alone at the kitchen table doing my homework, when father returned home from work much earlier than usual. I knew he had something on his mind. He called Simon and Lizzie down from their rooms and gathered us all around the table; unexpectedly he announced that he was getting married. We were stunned, how could this be.

  “Her name’s Tammy; I have been dating her for some time.” He said rather sheepishly. I nervously cleared my throat wanting to tell Simon and Lizzie that he must have been seeing Tammy whilst mother was lying on her deathbed. Father glanced my way; did he know I’d been listening to him that night before mother passed away?

  Tammy had never come to our family home when we were awake; father had always sneaked her in after midnight, hoping we wouldn’t hear.

  A few days after, father told us that Tammy was coming later that evening, and for us to be on our best behaviour.

  When she arrived I noticed she was the complete opposite of mother; tall, slim with long dark hair and brown eyes. She had rather a long nose, but was very beautiful and incredibly polite. She seemed really interested in our lives and asked us what we wanted to do when we left school. Simon decided to show off and play his guitar. Tammy clapped after every piece of music and father stood there looking very proud. Lizzie wouldn’t even stay in the same room as Tammy; I had a feeling they weren’t going to get on.

  Over the next few weeks, she was at our home more and more and I liked it. The house actually started to feel normal again.

  Father and Tammy were busy planning their wedding, and Simon was about to start college. Lizzie was now in full time beauty school learning to be a beautician and I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to do.

  One day Tammy asked Lizzie and I if we wanted to go and help her choose a wedding dress. Lizzie didn’t look pleased and snapped.

  “You’ll never replace mother! So don’t even try. ” And she stormed out of the room. Tammy looked at me awkwardly.

  “Don’t worry.” I said reassuringly; “Lizzie’s always been like that.”

  I wanted to make an effort and get on with Tammy, she wasn’t our mother, but at least we could be friends and it was so nice to finally see father smiling and once again our house was filled with happiness.

  Three weeks later I went with Tammy to choose her wedding dress. After hours of walking round the bridal shops we decided to stop off for a coffee. We sat down and she started telling me she’d been married before and had a son called Ben; but had left them both many years ago. I listened trying not to pass judgement. Nevertheless, I couldn’t help wondering how she could have left her son, especially when he was only two years old. Tammy continued to tell me she`d moved away after deep depression to a small country village called Sleights, which was only a thirty minutes’ drive away from where we lived. I asked her if she`d seen her son since.

  “No. He’ll be eighteen now.” She said sadly. There were tears in her eyes and I could see the pain she was feeling,

  “Why don’t you try and contact him?” I asked.

  “I’ve wanted to so much, but I am scared he’ll reject me.”

  “You’ll never know unless you try.” I replied.”

  “Maybe I will.” She said sounding more hopeful.

  Tammy and father’s wedding was only a week away. Lizzie was being stubborn and told me she wasn’t going to attend the wedding.

  One afternoon Tammy and I were sitting at the kitchen table drinking our coffee when she suddenly cleared her throat and announced.

  “I’ve written a letter to Ben explaining everything. I’ve also invited him to the wedding, but I don’t think he’ll come.Why should he after all this time. If he doesn’t want to see me, well, at least I have tried.”

  The morning of the wedding arrived, the birds were singing and the weather was glorious, there wasn’t a cloud in sight. Surprisingly, Lizzie offered to do Tammy’s makeup, Tammy was delighted. Lizzie put her nose in the air and said,

  “I don’t like you, but today I’ll make an effort for
father’s sake.” I looked at Lizzie with raised eyebrows.

  “Does that mean you are coming to the wedding?”

  “Yes I suppose it does, I have nothing better to do. Ben has a prior engagement and there is something he is keeping from me. He has been rather distant and pre-occupied over the past few days.”

  Tammy looked stunning in her wedding dress; it was ivory silk with a sweetheart neckline; the fitted bodice was covered in tiny pearls and fitted perfectly into her slender waist, on her head she wore a finely crafted tiara and a small veil neatly placed on the back of her hair. She looked like a princess.

  Simon and father were staying at a hotel nearby, and we girls were all together in our family home.

  The cars arrived to take us to the church. Because I was the only bridesmaid, I had to leave first. Tammy looked at Lizzie. “It isn’t too late to change your mind; I’ve another bridesmaid dress in case you want to reconsider? I am sure your sister would feel better not being the only one.” Lizzie didn’t reply, she just took the dress from Tammy and put it on.

  On the way to the church I couldn’t understand why I felt so nervous.

  “Why am I feeling so nervous? I’m not the one getting married.” I said. Lizzie just laughed.

  The church and venue were set back in acres of ground. We waited outside for Simon and father to arrive. We seemed to have been waiting ages, when finally their car pulled up; however, father wasn’t in it. When Simon stepped out, his face was ashen and he didn’t even have his suit on and his eyes looked red from crying. He looked terrible. I could see that something was terribly wrong.

  “Father……please not father?” I cried.

  Simon couldn`t get his words out.

  “Fa, fa, father was getting ready; and he’d been complaining all morning of indigestion.” Simon let out a sob,

  “I told him not to ignore chest pains, but you know what he’s like. He was getting ready and he seemed to be taking ages; so I went to see what was taking so long.” Simon let out a deep sigh; “He was laid on the bathroom floor; I felt for a pulse, it was very faint. I called the paramedics, but by the time they arrived; it was too late.”

  I couldn’t believe it. Now both our parents were dead. It just wasn’t fair.

  “Tammy! Someone must tell Tammy!” I screamed. I couldn’t let her turn up at the church and hear this dreadful news. For once Lizzie was being supportive and offered to help me tell her. Lizzie pointed to the church gates,

  “Ben’s turned up! That`s strange. I didn’t tell him I was going to a wedding.” I looked over and saw Ben standing by the church gates; Lizzie walked over to him and asked him how he knew she would be at the church.

  Ben looked at her,

  “Not everything is about you Lizzie!” He said. “I am here to meet my mother for the first time, who, as it turns out is about to marry your father.”

  Both Lizzie and I were quite shocked to find out that it was Ben that was Tammy`s son, but we knew that then, wasn’t the time to talk about it. We started telling him the dreadful news when Tammy’s car pulled up.

  “Has anyone told her what’s happened?” Ben asked.

  “We were about to, when you turned up.” Lizzie answered.

  We told Ben to stay put so we could go and break the news to Tammy. She noticed something was wrong.

  “What are all the tears and long faces for?” She looked worried and confused. She stood there as we explained the terrible news. She suddenly let out a scream.

  “No! Please God no.”

  “I found father collapsed on the bathroom floor. I tried to help but there was nothing I could do.” Simon cried.

  Tammy looked at us with empty eyes.

  “Now I have to arrange a funeral for the man I thought I was going to marry. How can I do that?” she sobbed and broke into tears. Ben was waiting nervously at the gates. I went over to him.

  “Is that my mother?” He asked.

  “Yes; we’ve just told her the news about father.” I replied. He looked nervously at Tammy, who looked heartbroken.

  “Do you want me to come home with you?” He asked.

  “No, this isn`t the right time, especially after what’s

  happened.” I told him.

  Ben stayed by the gates and watched us walk into the church to explain the situation to the vicar,who was patiently waiting inside to perform the ceremony.

  “He was so happy this morning, it was the first time I’d seen him look this happy and proud in a long time.” Simon lamented.

  The vicar sat down, offered Tammy a brandy, and held her hand.

  “I`m so sorry for your loss, may he be at peace in God`s hands.” He sympathised.

  When we left the church Ben was still waiting nervously. I looked at Tammy and said gently.

  “Maybe this isn’t the right time to tell you, but your son is here.”

  I was surprised they hadn’t already met at home, but somehow their paths had never crossed.

  My father’s death and the shock of seeing her son for the first time in many years was too much for her to take and she passed out with grief. The vicar told us to take her home and let her get some rest.

  Over the next few days, with organising father’s funeral, and looking after Tammy, I didn’t know whether I was coming or going and felt completely drained.

  Tammy didn’t speak for a few days after father passed away, I suppose it was her way of coping. Simon, Lizzie and I didn’t really have time to grieve ourselves.

  When Tammy finally did speak again, she told us how proud she was of us all and that father would have been proud too, with the way were all coping and taking control.

  Inside I wasn’t coping at all; I was a mess. I wanted to scream at the top of my voice.

  The day of the funeral arrived and I couldn’t speak for tears. It was awful, even the weather seemed to be miserable. It rained all day, with thunder and lightning and made everything seem even worse. We said our last goodbyes and threw a rose on to the coffin as we watched it disappear into the ground.

  After Tammy grieved for a while, she decided it was time to meet her son. She waited in father’s office. Ben was going to meet his mother for the first time in a long time.

  She smiled for the first time since father death, as Ben approached the office. We waited and watched nervously. Tammy took Ben’s hand. I just hoped and prayed that he would forgive his mother for what she had done.

  After hearing Tammy’s story as to why she left, Ben forgave her.

  A few weeks before father and Tammy were supposed to get married; father changed his will and specified that if anything were to happen to him, Tammy would get the house on the condition that we were allowed to stay there until we were ready to move out.

  Tammy took on the family role of being a mother to us. Ben stayed more at our home than at his own.

  Simon decided that it was about time to clean out father’s office, it wasn’t a job I fancied doing alone, so we decided to do it together.

  When Lizzie found out that Ben was Tammy’s son, she felt it was no longer appropriate to carry on dating him, so after a few months, started dating a trainee doctor.

  Because Ben was more involved with our family, I started to notice things that reminded me of father; his rugged looks, his dark curly hair and velvet brown eyes. The resemblance was quite uncanny.

  One day we were looking through father’s things in the office, when Tammy came into father’s office looking somewhat worried. She frantically started looking through his papers as if she was looking for something and muttering under her breath.

  “Why didn’t your father keep everything in the right order?” She snapped. Simon looked confused, and then turned to Tammy,

  “Are you looking for father’s keys to the safe?” he asked.

  “Yes but I can’t find them. I think it is about time you all knew your father`s secret, you’re old enough now to hear what I’m about to tell you.”

  Father had a secret? Wha
t possibly could she have to tell us? Tammy sat back in father’s chair.

  “Simon please go and fetch Lizzie and Ben.” She demanded.

  I sat and looked out of father’s window nervously; while I waited for Lizzie and Ben. I started biting my nails. I could hear Lizzie moaning that she was too busy and why couldn’t it wait until later. Lizzie and Ben walked into the office. Ben sat down opposite his mother and folded his arms and Lizzie stood by the doorway. Simon came over to the window and stood by my side.

  Tammy cleared her throat nervously.

  “I’m about to tell you all something very important.” She then turned to Ben, took his hand and said,

  “The man you’ve called father all these years, is not your biological father.” Ben looked stunned. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he asked,

  “Who is my father?” Tammy sighed.

  “I think it`s better if I start from the beginning.” She looked at me and Simon. “I was with your father many years ago, we dated for a few years, but things didn’t really work out between us. Then Ted met Sarah. I was heartbroken because I still loved him. I left town and discovered I was pregnant with you. After a few months I met the man you now call father. I told him I was pregnant and he decided to bring you up as his own. He’d always wanted children but had been told a few years earlier that he would never be able to have any, so he thought it was the best thing that could have happened to him.”

  I still don’t think the penny had dropped with Ben, because he asked for a second time.

  “Then who is my father?” Tammy looked at me for help. I looked at Ben and gently said.

  “Looks like you’re our half-brother”. It was then that I understood why Ben reminded me so much of father.

  Ben’s face looked red and angry.

  Tammy sighed and continued.

  “I need the key to read an important letter that’s in your father’s safe. He wanted to wait for you all to be old enough to understand, so he thought it was better to write what he had to say in a letter.”